I just can't win

I feel like crying, I feel like screaming…This damned disease and its treatment has wrecked havoc! Now I have lymphedema. It’s the painful swelling of limbs when fluid is unable to past thru the lymphatic system properly. Now I will have to walk around witha fat arm and a sleeve on at all times and have constant therapy to control it. It seems there is a cure for some cancers if you catch it in time, as is the case with breast cancer. However, guest what…there is no cure for lymphedema .
It makes me think back on my decision to have my stupid lymph nodes removed; did I know this was going to happen? Ferlando would say it’s self fulfilling prophecy. I say I’ll be Dam “ed” or I should say I am Dam “ed”. It’s so frustrating! Just makes me keep wondering what the hell have I done in this life for this ass kicking to continue. I’ve always said when I die I want to be cremated but hesitate because I know my family doesn’t agree with it, but as the days of my life continue and all this stuff keeps happening to this ole body, I think just cremate it. Yeap, I’m not denying it; this is a dark moment for me so just pray for me. Well I’ve always liked Gone With The Wind” and today I am going to be focused on being like Scarlet O’Hara…in the end when she just doesn’t know what she’s going to do she saids…”I’ll think about that tomorrow”.