Today is my birthday. I had wanted to have a big Birthdat Party to celebrate my 50th as well as my 51st since I wasn't feeling very well on my 50th. The 50th is also clouded with the argument with Mom and her refusal to participant in my 50th birthday celebration. That was the biggest rift between us in all of my life. I guess we hurt each other to the core and I'm not sure that we are over it even today. I forgive but it did hurt. So I wanted today to be different, we can't change the past but can try to do better in the future. But, I didn't have the funds to have a party so I'm celebrating life!
I went out yesterday with Ms. JoAnne and her Aunt and some friends, that was fun. Today I started the day out stuck in the snow in the driveway when attempting to get to work. I was two hours late for work but I got here. Richard came by with his snow blower and shoveled both Bree and I out. (Good is so good...when I called Richard I didn't even know he had a snow blower.) When I got to work Mel had a big balloon tied to my chair with a card. A ton of family called or texted to say Happy Birthday and I'm thanking God for another birthday.
Happy Birthday!
I continue to heal from the surgery and maybe by summer it will all be done! Yahoo!
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Other side
This blog entry is entitle "The other Side" because Ferlando called my last surgery this way.
I had surgery on Feb. 8 and it went well. Mom and Chris escorted me to the hospital. They stayed with me until I was alert to speak sensibly after surgery. I went into Surgery around 5:37 Pm and I think I was out by 9PM. Mom and Chris left around 11 PM. I actually felt pretty good when I woke up. I did get snowed in at the hospital. Trina had to have her friend Micheal pick me up from the Hospital. He took me to her at Skokie Hospital where she now works. Trina and I went shopping for fresh undies and night clothes. We got something to eat and spent the night at the doubletree hotel, which PeeWee arranged and paid for us. It was nice just being with my sister, we had fun except I fell asleep on her! Oh well one day out of surgery what can you expect. I saw the docter the next day before going home and he indicated that I was doing well. Breyen picked me up from the Dr's office and we went back to Homewood and had lunch with Chris and Alex. I am amazed at how good I've been feeling after surgery but grateful. Perhaps Ferlando is right, maybe this is 'The Other Side" I certainly hope so.
The issue now is finding the right hormone to take for the next five years. I've tried two so far and the last one made me very sick. I do take a natural supplement that is supposed to to the same thing but there is no scienctid study to back up the claim. I'm inclined to just take the natural supplement and pray because the other meds have so many side effects and cause so much pain that the quality of life is greatly diminished. I'm praying about it; for now I'm enjoying "The Other Side".
I had surgery on Feb. 8 and it went well. Mom and Chris escorted me to the hospital. They stayed with me until I was alert to speak sensibly after surgery. I went into Surgery around 5:37 Pm and I think I was out by 9PM. Mom and Chris left around 11 PM. I actually felt pretty good when I woke up. I did get snowed in at the hospital. Trina had to have her friend Micheal pick me up from the Hospital. He took me to her at Skokie Hospital where she now works. Trina and I went shopping for fresh undies and night clothes. We got something to eat and spent the night at the doubletree hotel, which PeeWee arranged and paid for us. It was nice just being with my sister, we had fun except I fell asleep on her! Oh well one day out of surgery what can you expect. I saw the docter the next day before going home and he indicated that I was doing well. Breyen picked me up from the Dr's office and we went back to Homewood and had lunch with Chris and Alex. I am amazed at how good I've been feeling after surgery but grateful. Perhaps Ferlando is right, maybe this is 'The Other Side" I certainly hope so.
The issue now is finding the right hormone to take for the next five years. I've tried two so far and the last one made me very sick. I do take a natural supplement that is supposed to to the same thing but there is no scienctid study to back up the claim. I'm inclined to just take the natural supplement and pray because the other meds have so many side effects and cause so much pain that the quality of life is greatly diminished. I'm praying about it; for now I'm enjoying "The Other Side".
Sunday, January 3, 2010
2010
It's 2010 and I'm praying for a better year. The last four years have been tough for me. I went through a three year (2003 - 2006) court battle to get a divorce. I was hit by a car in 2006, lost my grandmother in 2006, changed jobs in 2007, diagnosed with breast cancer and lost that job at the same time. Fought to save a child from the streets. Financially I hit rock bottom, don't know if I will ever completely recover. Went through treatment for breast cancer in 2009, so looking for 2010 to be a better year. However, God sent me wonderful support during my illness my Mom don't know what I would have done without her. My family, my friends, my church.
Trying to put some closure to the breast cancer treatment. I will have surgery once again on Jan. 11, 2010 to complete the breast reconstruction. I am on a new medication to block estrogen which fed my tumor, but having a difficult time with it. It's causing me bone pain and it's miserable to be in pain all the time. I plan to get back to acupunture to control some of the pain and may ultimately decide not to take the medicine and simply pray for protection from a recurrence after all there is no guarantee.
I feel like I can enjoy life again. I have also been working with other women who are facing breast cancer and that is rewarding in itself. I plan to go to Track Meets to see Tyler run, that should be fun! I will continue with the Steppers lessons and what ever else that will help me keep my stress level down. I truly focus on keeping my stress level down and will continue to do so. I remain prayerful in every aspect of my life and praying for a happy, health and properous 2010.
My goal is still to be good to people, but only to the extent that it is healthy and comfortable for me, and to realize that I can never make everyone happy. They are responsible for their own happiness just as I am responsible for mine.
- unknown
I won't worry about where I'll be in 5 or 10 years or really every for that matter. Instead I'll think about what I want to do and less about where I want to be. After all, I imagine that if I'm doing what I want to do then I will be where I need to be.
- unknown
Trying to put some closure to the breast cancer treatment. I will have surgery once again on Jan. 11, 2010 to complete the breast reconstruction. I am on a new medication to block estrogen which fed my tumor, but having a difficult time with it. It's causing me bone pain and it's miserable to be in pain all the time. I plan to get back to acupunture to control some of the pain and may ultimately decide not to take the medicine and simply pray for protection from a recurrence after all there is no guarantee.
I feel like I can enjoy life again. I have also been working with other women who are facing breast cancer and that is rewarding in itself. I plan to go to Track Meets to see Tyler run, that should be fun! I will continue with the Steppers lessons and what ever else that will help me keep my stress level down. I truly focus on keeping my stress level down and will continue to do so. I remain prayerful in every aspect of my life and praying for a happy, health and properous 2010.
My goal is still to be good to people, but only to the extent that it is healthy and comfortable for me, and to realize that I can never make everyone happy. They are responsible for their own happiness just as I am responsible for mine.
- unknown
I won't worry about where I'll be in 5 or 10 years or really every for that matter. Instead I'll think about what I want to do and less about where I want to be. After all, I imagine that if I'm doing what I want to do then I will be where I need to be.
- unknown
New Years Eve
I got my nails and toes done. I got my hair done, I bought a dress and some shoes and I went out by myself (kinda) to a stepper set in Tinley part. It's the first time I've been out to a party on New Year's Eve in 15 or 20 years. I met the folks in my Stepper's Class. It was nice to be out, but overall it was over rated! I don't actually remember New Year's Eve last year, but in comparison I'm sure I had better time.
I actually brought the New Year in alone, called Mom at Midnight and then went back into the party. I left the Stepper's set and went to Buggs and ran into Tyler there. Breyen, Tyler and I were all in by 3AM.
I worked at the Health Club on New Year's Day. When I came home you know I had to take a nap. Breyen and I went to JoAnne's for dinner. It was nice to hang out with her. It's been really wonderful to have the girls home and getting along. They don't keep the house clean but I guess you can't have everything!
I actually brought the New Year in alone, called Mom at Midnight and then went back into the party. I left the Stepper's set and went to Buggs and ran into Tyler there. Breyen, Tyler and I were all in by 3AM.
I worked at the Health Club on New Year's Day. When I came home you know I had to take a nap. Breyen and I went to JoAnne's for dinner. It was nice to hang out with her. It's been really wonderful to have the girls home and getting along. They don't keep the house clean but I guess you can't have everything!
Christmas 2009
Christmas was good. It was quiet and low key. A year ago on christmas I had had my second Chemo treatment. Dinner was here at my house. Ferando shaved my head because my hair was falling out. This year we had dinner at Mom's most of the family was there. Keenan did not come because he said he was not feeling well. In truth I think it was because he had not followed up on his health issues. I've been trying to reach out to him to motivate him to find treatment for his condition. I hope that he will find his way. I will give encouragement and help where I can. Aunt Girthy was not there. No one invited or went to get her. That's a shame. Mom simply said Aunt Girthy knows it's tradition to come here for Christmas. I hope they don't treat me that way if I live to be 94. This family can be crazy at times, but I love them all. The food and the company was good. Lots of little kids. Our family is growing again, the babies are not babies any more, they are grown and having babies. It was fun, Christmas really is about them.
Breyen and Tyler were both home for Christmas and getting along! I thank God, they have been able to spend time without fighting and bickering. I got earrings and a gift card from Breyen and a dress from Tyler. For the first time in their lives, we did not put up a Christmas Tree or lights. I just didn't feel up to it. I feel pretty good most days I just didn't have the energy for all of the extra. I felt a little bad because Tyler was home from school, but then I realized that both of the girls are old enough to take on these types of tasks.
We spent Christmas Eve with Trina and her family. Mom refused to come saying Trina was breaking tradition and that she was not invited. I called Mom at midnight to say Merry Christmas, I passed the phone around so that everyone could wish her a Merry Christmas. The grand kids said Mom sounded sad and like she wanted to cry. I just wish she would have come with us. We had a good time. We ate crabs legs and just had a good time. Christmas 2009 was definitely a better Christmas than last year!
Breyen and Tyler were both home for Christmas and getting along! I thank God, they have been able to spend time without fighting and bickering. I got earrings and a gift card from Breyen and a dress from Tyler. For the first time in their lives, we did not put up a Christmas Tree or lights. I just didn't feel up to it. I feel pretty good most days I just didn't have the energy for all of the extra. I felt a little bad because Tyler was home from school, but then I realized that both of the girls are old enough to take on these types of tasks.
We spent Christmas Eve with Trina and her family. Mom refused to come saying Trina was breaking tradition and that she was not invited. I called Mom at midnight to say Merry Christmas, I passed the phone around so that everyone could wish her a Merry Christmas. The grand kids said Mom sounded sad and like she wanted to cry. I just wish she would have come with us. We had a good time. We ate crabs legs and just had a good time. Christmas 2009 was definitely a better Christmas than last year!
Thanksgiving
Well Thanksgiving came around and it was much different than a year ago. A year ago we were at Mom's and I was healing from the Mastesectomy. This year we had dinner at my house. I was really excited to have dinner at my house. It gave me some since of feeling normal, the old normal It was good. I only had one disaapointment. My Mom came to dinner and refused to participate, she refused to even come into the dinning room for prayer and blessing of the food. I did attempt to find out what was bothering her and she said that I treat her like a dog! I decided not to spend much time on it. I simply apologized for whatever she thought I did, and told her I was sorry she felt that way. I left it at that and went on to enjoy my day. Later I found out she was angry because I had not told her who I had invited to dinner so that she could prepare enough food. We had plenty of food. I continue to pray for Mom. It's all I can do because I refuse to allow her issues to cause me stress but I do pray that she can come to grips with her issues put some closesure to them and stop putting a damper on others and particularly on special occassions.
It was good to see family that we had not seen in a while. Thera came, Georgia and the kids and Dani and Mike along with friends and Robin clean and with her kids . I had a good day!
It was good to see family that we had not seen in a while. Thera came, Georgia and the kids and Dani and Mike along with friends and Robin clean and with her kids . I had a good day!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Reflection
Tyler and I had an opportunity to reflect on this past year. She said she remembers how sad she was when I was going through chemo. I told her I was amazed at the support I received. I was most disappointed in Breyen yet I understood that she was handlin my illness the best way she knew how. I told her Grandma was a God send, dispite some of the things she did to drive me crazy. I don't know what Iwould have done without her.
It's a been a long year and prayerfully I won't ever have to go back down that route.
Today, they are till stuggling to find a hormone for me to take for the next five years to help protect against recurrence. The lymphedema is under control for now. I still have not received
my custom sleeve. The guy I was working with was a greedy little bugger who didn't give a crap about the patients he services. So I have to find someone else and start the process over.
I had date a few weeks ago. It was fun. However, not so sure there will be more dates to follow. That's ok cause I still have to work on me. I've been trying really hard to loose weight, nothing seems to work but I'm not giving up.
I have consultantion scheduled in Dec to see if my skin has healed enough from the radiation to finish up the breast reconstruction. I hope it's ready because I'm ready. I hope he will also be able to do a size reduction...I hate having big boobs! I used to pray when I was growing up not to have big boobs I got caught up in the hype got 'em a little bigger and I don't like it at all. We'll see.
The job is taxing. I don't have the energy I use to have and it's hard to focus. It gettng a little easier maybe in time it will get better. Working two jobs is really hard so I have to plan rest times so that I don't wipe myself out. I work the part time job two days week. I know it doesn't sound like much but it kicks my butt. And, I don't like working on Sundays but until something else opens up I'll deal with it. Chris an I are alternating Sunday's so that helps a lot. I use the extra money as Tyler's allowance, gas sometimes and groceries sometimes. My fiances as a whole are shot but I try not to worry about that; hopefully it will work itself out in the years to come.
My hair is growing back. It's long enough to braid and still super curly! Maybe this time next year it will be back. It's totally out of control...it does it's own thing, but I'm glad it's here.
Well I start the new hormone this week, it has lots of ugly side effects. If it does me too bad, I'm not going to take it. I followed all of the doctor's recommendations so far and sometimes I've been no better off, so we shall see how this new drug works.
Holla back!
It's a been a long year and prayerfully I won't ever have to go back down that route.
Today, they are till stuggling to find a hormone for me to take for the next five years to help protect against recurrence. The lymphedema is under control for now. I still have not received
my custom sleeve. The guy I was working with was a greedy little bugger who didn't give a crap about the patients he services. So I have to find someone else and start the process over.
I had date a few weeks ago. It was fun. However, not so sure there will be more dates to follow. That's ok cause I still have to work on me. I've been trying really hard to loose weight, nothing seems to work but I'm not giving up.
I have consultantion scheduled in Dec to see if my skin has healed enough from the radiation to finish up the breast reconstruction. I hope it's ready because I'm ready. I hope he will also be able to do a size reduction...I hate having big boobs! I used to pray when I was growing up not to have big boobs I got caught up in the hype got 'em a little bigger and I don't like it at all. We'll see.
The job is taxing. I don't have the energy I use to have and it's hard to focus. It gettng a little easier maybe in time it will get better. Working two jobs is really hard so I have to plan rest times so that I don't wipe myself out. I work the part time job two days week. I know it doesn't sound like much but it kicks my butt. And, I don't like working on Sundays but until something else opens up I'll deal with it. Chris an I are alternating Sunday's so that helps a lot. I use the extra money as Tyler's allowance, gas sometimes and groceries sometimes. My fiances as a whole are shot but I try not to worry about that; hopefully it will work itself out in the years to come.
My hair is growing back. It's long enough to braid and still super curly! Maybe this time next year it will be back. It's totally out of control...it does it's own thing, but I'm glad it's here.
Well I start the new hormone this week, it has lots of ugly side effects. If it does me too bad, I'm not going to take it. I followed all of the doctor's recommendations so far and sometimes I've been no better off, so we shall see how this new drug works.
Holla back!
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