One Year to the day

Well, it's been one year. October 29,2008 I had a mastsectomy. Its been a whirl wind year. I've had chemotheary, lost my hair, had lymph node surgery, radiation and now lympehedema. Financially I've taken a beating. I was off work for almost a year. I found a job two months ago and now I'm trying to catch. My refrigeration went out and two weeks ago my stove literally zapped me with a bolt of electricity and then went out. I'll worry about that later.

I'm fnding a balance...the lypmphedema is a constant reminder of the beast cancer as well as the tamoxifen, which I am now having an allergic reaction to....oh well. I'm thankful and glad to still be among the living.

Breyen is doing really well.. I got her a job at the health club and they absolutely love her. She's working hard and staying out of trouble. Tyler is doing well at school, she's striving for that 3.0 or higher. Her track coach saids she works hard and she's getting better and better.

My job is really a challenge, chemo brain is a reality and I'm struggling to keep up. I have to keep my arm wrapped esp. at work because typing adds to the spelling. Everyone at work wants to know what's going on with my arm. I just tell them I have some fluid retention! In fact I don't have any protection on my arm now so I have to cut this short. I should get my custom made sleeve on Monday.

One year and still kicking, lot of dark moments, lots of lots and lots of love and support. I am so very thankful!

I just can't win

I feel like crying, I feel like screaming…This damned disease and its treatment has wrecked havoc! Now I have lymphedema. It’s the painful swelling of limbs when fluid is unable to past thru the lymphatic system properly. Now I will have to walk around witha fat arm and a sleeve on at all times and have constant therapy to control it. It seems there is a cure for some cancers if you catch it in time, as is the case with breast cancer. However, guest what…there is no cure for lymphedema .
It makes me think back on my decision to have my stupid lymph nodes removed; did I know this was going to happen? Ferlando would say it’s self fulfilling prophecy. I say I’ll be Dam “ed” or I should say I am Dam “ed”. It’s so frustrating! Just makes me keep wondering what the hell have I done in this life for this ass kicking to continue. I’ve always said when I die I want to be cremated but hesitate because I know my family doesn’t agree with it, but as the days of my life continue and all this stuff keeps happening to this ole body, I think just cremate it. Yeap, I’m not denying it; this is a dark moment for me so just pray for me. Well I’ve always liked Gone With The Wind” and today I am going to be focused on being like Scarlet O’Hara…in the end when she just doesn’t know what she’s going to do she saids…”I’ll think about that tomorrow”.