2010

It's 2010 and I'm praying for a better year. The last four years have been tough for me. I went through a three year (2003 - 2006) court battle to get a divorce. I was hit by a car in 2006, lost my grandmother in 2006, changed jobs in 2007, diagnosed with breast cancer and lost that job at the same time. Fought to save a child from the streets. Financially I hit rock bottom, don't know if I will ever completely recover. Went through treatment for breast cancer in 2009, so looking for 2010 to be a better year. However, God sent me wonderful support during my illness my Mom don't know what I would have done without her. My family, my friends, my church.

Trying to put some closure to the breast cancer treatment. I will have surgery once again on Jan. 11, 2010 to complete the breast reconstruction. I am on a new medication to block estrogen which fed my tumor, but having a difficult time with it. It's causing me bone pain and it's miserable to be in pain all the time. I plan to get back to acupunture to control some of the pain and may ultimately decide not to take the medicine and simply pray for protection from a recurrence after all there is no guarantee.

I feel like I can enjoy life again. I have also been working with other women who are facing breast cancer and that is rewarding in itself. I plan to go to Track Meets to see Tyler run, that should be fun! I will continue with the Steppers lessons and what ever else that will help me keep my stress level down. I truly focus on keeping my stress level down and will continue to do so. I remain prayerful in every aspect of my life and praying for a happy, health and properous 2010.

My goal is still to be good to people, but only to the extent that it is healthy and comfortable for me, and to realize that I can never make everyone happy. They are responsible for their own happiness just as I am responsible for mine.
- unknown

I won't worry about where I'll be in 5 or 10 years or really every for that matter. Instead I'll think about what I want to do and less about where I want to be. After all, I imagine that if I'm doing what I want to do then I will be where I need to be.

- unknown

New Years Eve

I got my nails and toes done. I got my hair done, I bought a dress and some shoes and I went out by myself (kinda) to a stepper set in Tinley part. It's the first time I've been out to a party on New Year's Eve in 15 or 20 years. I met the folks in my Stepper's Class. It was nice to be out, but overall it was over rated! I don't actually remember New Year's Eve last year, but in comparison I'm sure I had better time.

I actually brought the New Year in alone, called Mom at Midnight and then went back into the party. I left the Stepper's set and went to Buggs and ran into Tyler there. Breyen, Tyler and I were all in by 3AM.

I worked at the Health Club on New Year's Day. When I came home you know I had to take a nap. Breyen and I went to JoAnne's for dinner. It was nice to hang out with her. It's been really wonderful to have the girls home and getting along. They don't keep the house clean but I guess you can't have everything!

Christmas 2009

Christmas was good. It was quiet and low key. A year ago on christmas I had had my second Chemo treatment. Dinner was here at my house. Ferando shaved my head because my hair was falling out. This year we had dinner at Mom's most of the family was there. Keenan did not come because he said he was not feeling well. In truth I think it was because he had not followed up on his health issues. I've been trying to reach out to him to motivate him to find treatment for his condition. I hope that he will find his way. I will give encouragement and help where I can. Aunt Girthy was not there. No one invited or went to get her. That's a shame. Mom simply said Aunt Girthy knows it's tradition to come here for Christmas. I hope they don't treat me that way if I live to be 94. This family can be crazy at times, but I love them all. The food and the company was good. Lots of little kids. Our family is growing again, the babies are not babies any more, they are grown and having babies. It was fun, Christmas really is about them.

Breyen and Tyler were both home for Christmas and getting along! I thank God, they have been able to spend time without fighting and bickering. I got earrings and a gift card from Breyen and a dress from Tyler. For the first time in their lives, we did not put up a Christmas Tree or lights. I just didn't feel up to it. I feel pretty good most days I just didn't have the energy for all of the extra. I felt a little bad because Tyler was home from school, but then I realized that both of the girls are old enough to take on these types of tasks.

We spent Christmas Eve with Trina and her family. Mom refused to come saying Trina was breaking tradition and that she was not invited. I called Mom at midnight to say Merry Christmas, I passed the phone around so that everyone could wish her a Merry Christmas. The grand kids said Mom sounded sad and like she wanted to cry. I just wish she would have come with us. We had a good time. We ate crabs legs and just had a good time. Christmas 2009 was definitely a better Christmas than last year!

Thanksgiving

Well Thanksgiving came around and it was much different than a year ago. A year ago we were at Mom's and I was healing from the Mastesectomy. This year we had dinner at my house. I was really excited to have dinner at my house. It gave me some since of feeling normal, the old normal It was good. I only had one disaapointment. My Mom came to dinner and refused to participate, she refused to even come into the dinning room for prayer and blessing of the food. I did attempt to find out what was bothering her and she said that I treat her like a dog! I decided not to spend much time on it. I simply apologized for whatever she thought I did, and told her I was sorry she felt that way. I left it at that and went on to enjoy my day. Later I found out she was angry because I had not told her who I had invited to dinner so that she could prepare enough food. We had plenty of food. I continue to pray for Mom. It's all I can do because I refuse to allow her issues to cause me stress but I do pray that she can come to grips with her issues put some closesure to them and stop putting a damper on others and particularly on special occassions.

It was good to see family that we had not seen in a while. Thera came, Georgia and the kids and Dani and Mike along with friends and Robin clean and with her kids . I had a good day!