Oh My God

OMG that's all I could utter tonight. The tingling and burning (neuropathy) is making me feel like I could just jump out of my skin or run in front of truck to take me out of my misery. The neusea was bad and this, this is just as bad. Different but just as bad. I spent time on the internet today looking for information on how to get relief from this. I found several studies with indications that Acetpel L Carnitine has been proven to help, vitamin B6, vitamin E, Tylenol, percoset, vicadin, a positive attitude, laughter, socializing and prayer. I have the Carnitine hoping it will kick in soon, taking vitamin E and rubbin vitamin E on my feet and hands, the other stuff puts me to sleep so I can't function with it during the day. I guess it doesn't matter since I can't seem to function when the tingling hits anyway. I have two more chemo treatments to go. I know God won't give more than I bear, but I am praying for relief. I feel like a crazy person, like I'm going out of my mind. According to my research it will get worse with each treatment. I recall that he doctor said that the body's first reaction would remain about the same....WRONG!! I don't know if he said that to encourage me, decrease my anxiety or if he out right lied or just doesn't know any better. Or I guess it could be as it has been through this treatment, I'm the 1 in 100 that gets whacked. Taking a shower brings it on even more, so I make the shower quick and then hold on for dear life! Pray of me.


I saw Mom today at the club. I was amazed that she brought her friends over to meet me. They were very encouraging telling me that they had me on various prayer lists for which I am grateful and I thanked them. I realized at that moment that I am angry at my mother, her treatment and the things she said to me over weekend hit hard. However, I quickly realized that I can't afford the energy for anger. I put the love for my mother out in front, I forgive her and I forgive myself. I've prayed about it and now I will be still.

I got a call from recruiters today. I was really feeling encouraged. They want me to go on an interview. I know I can do the job, but oh my God with this tingling I'm not so sure I can work and yet I desparately need to work. I'm watching Oprah's show highligthing injured soldiers and I realize I am so blessed and yet it's still hard getting through the chemo side effects.

Praying for relief!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holla