Tomorrow is my Birthday

Well, tomorrow is my 50th birthday. I will spend the day with family and friends and that does my heart good. It's not what I envisioned but I'm thanking God for it. The only downer is that my mother has decided that she does not want to participant or have anything to do with the plans for my 50th birthday celebration. She's mad at me again. It's just too much. This time she's angry because she thinks I choose to go see Madea goes to jail with my friends rather than with her. Had she given me a chance before she slammed and walked out the house I was trying to tell her we could go see it and I could still go back on my birthday. I knew JoAnne and Annie were trying to plan something. Everyone has been asking what I want for my birthday and I told everyone I really just want my health. Besides that I was so sick on Friday and I was in soooo much pain I couldn't get out of the bed other than to go to the bathroom and wound up in bed until today. I'm just starting to feel better today. No matter that Mom won't be there tomorrow; she has to do what she needs to do to take care of herself and I will always love and appreciate her but I can't continue to use energy, sweating the small stuff. It's too hard and this treatment for this disease zaps much of my strength mentally and physically so there's not much left for other stuff. I have to keep strength for the girls and fiances to try to keep a roof over my head and get Tyler off to college. She was accepted to Hampton today and she is extremely happy about that!

This wipe out as a result of this chemo treatment surprised me. I did so well last time and I think I assumed that this one would be easy too, so when the pain and fatigue hit I was caught off guard. I didn't do hydration this week and that may be why I got hit so hard, or it may just be that the next two are going to be just as hard; I don't know. As more of this junk gets into your system the worst it gets. I have two more treatments to go before radiation just keep praying for no side effects. I have been exercising, it's painful and hard and yet it feels good. Bone pain, muscle pain and Joint pain and neuropathy...some combination and in addition my white blood cell count was down so I had a shot of neulasta which also cause joint and muscle pain. I could hardly walk, but I tried not to let anyone know that. I told Chris and she continued to encourage me to workout which really does help. Thanks Chris for hanging in there with me.

PeeWee is here; she's staying with me. I'm worried because I love it when people come to stay with me but I hate to see the go. I never understood until now; but my Dad used to always tell me that he loved to see me come but he hated for me to leave. Now I know exactly what he meant and how he felt.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'll spruce up a bit put on some hair and makeup and enjoy the day. I love you all!

Holla