Exhausted.

Today was a long day. I woke up with a nervous stomach because I knew I was going to get the details about the type of surgery I would need to have to rid my body of cancer and start the healing process. Waiting for this day as been nerve racking.

The plan was for Breyen, Tyler, Mom, Babysister and me to ride the train downtown to the Dr.'s office. Breyen decided not to go with us when she got up this morning. She decided to go to school instead. I am okay with that because I want her to get through this the way that she needs to get through it. Katrina and Ferlando met us downtown. Funny how things work out, when we arrived we found that the doctor was not expecting us. I made the appointment a week ago. His receptionist Polly told me Sept 24 @ 10 AM unless she called back to say something different. Well we got lucky because the Dr. was in and not in surgery as he often is on Thurs. mornings.

The Dr. brought us into the exam room and with a visual of the breast explained what I'm facing. The recommendation with this type of caner is mastectomy because the lobular cancer grows in clusters throughout the breast. So I would loose the right breast all together. The left breast is fine. The doctor also recommended that I go for immediate reconstruction. I have four options 1) take tissue from the buttocks, 2) take tissue for the back, 3) take tissue from the tummy or 4) breast implants. I can't remember what was said regarding my receptors but any way they are HER2 which is easier to treat and may not require chemo. However, during surgery blue dye will be injected into the lymp nodes, if cancer is found they will remove them and chemo will be required. This is a mere summary of the information we were overwhelmed with today. Too much to give you more at this time, I'm too exhausted.

My sister cried even more, my mother was pretty calm, my nephew asked a lot of questions, my aunt was assured and reminded me "How good God is", and Tyler, well she was quiet and reflective. We took some time after meeting with the doctor to discuss what's to come and we prayed together right there in the waiting area in the dotocr's office. It was awesome and I came away feeling relieved. We discussed what I want done and how and for that I am grateful. I told them how important it is for us to keep our family together, close and that I want Tyler to enjoy her senior year and I hope this will pull our family (children, grandchildren) back together.
And I asked my mother to allow me to do what I can do during the healing process. My mother told me I was her "Rock"...that's a tall order to fill. Dani told me today, that I was the rock of this family...I love my family, they are all very important to me. I don't know about the rock, but the love is what binds me to them...it's really just that simple.

We spent the rest of day shopping for nothing and everything. We helped Tyler finish her homecoming shopping. Tyler called Breyend to let her know what was discussed. That did my heart good to see them interacting and caring for each other. I spoke with Breyen and Tyler had explained it so well, that there really wasn't anything left to tell. Friends and family were calling all day for the update. I tried to get back to everyone, but forgive me if I missed someone. I think I upset Chris because it took so long for me to call her. We were just spending time, bonding and tyring to feel whole.

Tyler and I discussed how she felt about everything, she's good with her. To her a breast is a small thing to loose if it keeps me here. I talked to Breyen tonight, I think she 's afraid but trying to be strong for me. She's more worried about how I feel. Today was exhausting mentally but it did give me some relief. I coutinue to pray and keep my faith in God as we move forward in this tedious proccess.

According to Dr. Krause it will take about two weeks to coordinate everything and get the surgery scheduled. We have to coordinate his schedule along with the plastic surgeon and the hospital OR. In addition I will have to have blood work done and find an oncologist after the surgery. He has given me recommendations for all. In the meantime, the DNC is scheduled for Oct. 9, pray that it is negative and does not show any cancerous cells.

Well Joann, I may get that boob job after all ...LOL!

And so it begins.....