Revelation

Revelation is the act of revealing or disclosing

I have decided to create this blog for my family and friends to journey with me into my experience with breast cancer. It will also provide me a way to communicate with you if time does not permit me to call or you to call me.

On September 11, 2008 (9/11) my doctor called to tell me that my biospy from two days before, unfortunately indicated cancer (lobular cancer). I was shocked. I knew all the time that there was a possibility for cancer, but because I had such a positive attitude about it, I was sure the doctor was going to indicate that the biospy would be negative.

I called my mother right away to let her know the results. She expressed her concern and told me she was sorry. I don't want my mother to see me die and I don't want her to have to take care of me. She's done enough of that with her brother, sister-in-law and mother. I know she will try so I pray for a quick recovery and healing. The the phone rang, it was my sister. My mother had called her. The phone rang again, this time it was my aunt "Baby Sister". She sounded very upset and let me know that God was going to take care of me and heal me. I told her that I knew God would take care of me and that things would be ok. The next thing I knew my mother was at my door. I said what are you doing here...she gave me a tight hug. I told her I was going to be fine. We shed a few silent tears. I was determined to go on with my life as usual until I just couldn't. So I left my Mom and went to the health club to work out with my friend and personal trainer, Chris Klimzac. When I returned home, my mother came back to the house. I asked her what she was doing back at the house. Of course she was worried about me. I told Tyler when I came back to the house and she cried. It hurt my heart to see her cry. I told her that it was very important that she continue on with her plans and having fun in her senior year of highschool. Later I left Mom at the house with Tyler and went to work at the Healthclub. I was very worried about my mother, I do not want her to watch another child die, so I prayed and asked God to let all be well. Breyen came by the club before going off for the weekend with her friends. I told her as well. She hugged me and told me that everything will be okay and off she went with her friends. It bothered me a bit that she didn't stick around, but I had to remind myself that I was not having a pity party and I want life as usual as much as possible and for as long as possible.

My nephew called me and we had a conversation about the diagnois. He told me that my sister was a mess and had been calling all evening. I thought to call her but decided not to, thinking that she needed time to get used to the idea. I consoled Ferlando and he said "it's just like you Tee to be going through something yet consoling everyone else." Little did he know that I was consoling myself in the process. I think he has decided to live with Grandma so he can be around to help me. I sent Annie and Darlene an e-mail. Annie called, reminded that both her sister and her Mom went through it and that she was here for support and would keep me in her prayers. Darlene couldn't get to e-mail so Annie told her and she was pretty broken up. Later when I talked to Darlene she asked me if I wanted to get drunk...that made me laugh, it was pretty funny since she doesn't drink!

I decided to tell my friends about the diagnois before I was no longer strong enough to get the words out. I told PeeWee, she was quiet for a minute and then shared some optimistic words and silently shouted out love for me. I shed some tears during the silence, because the pain was so acute. I don't want to leave my friend. I told Chris when I went to work out and shared the news with her...I hated to do it because she lost a sister to cancer and it was like opening an old would. I told her all was going to well all the time wondering "is it going to be well? I told Angie and she began to pray and expressed anxious feelings because she is not close enough to come home to be with me. I told Shanita and she cried like a baby. She said, "Tee you have been my life long friend and I don't want to loose you. I cried with her and told her that I am going to continue to be her life long friend" . I told JoAnne and she was in shock, she said you were suppose to tell me to sit down before you delivered that message. She reminded that we serve a good God. We cried together. Then she said well maybe you can get a boob job out all of this and you will be able to hold up a sweater. We had a good laugh with that one. I told Vanessa and she was shocked as well. She told me others have gone through it and I would be okay. I told Maria and she was shocked and sorrowful. She said we're going through but we will be okay. God I have a lot of good friends. I told Roxanne, I didn't give her much of a chance to respond, but told her I would keep her up to date with things. I called Clara and Ann but we haven't spoken yet. I told Louis too, he told me to let him know if I needed anything (we'll see). I'm tired now of telling people but I keep telling people hoping that it will make me strong. Somebody told me (I don't remember who) that breast cancer was like the common cold, people get over it....

I'm trying to find a place in my mind, my heart and sould to deal with this. I'm scared, but my faith in God keeps me strong.

I'll catch you all of on the next posting. Too much to share at once since I decided to start this eight days after finding out.

Stay tuned... the next blog will be about the trouble I have encountered getting the MRI scheduled. Love you all

Annette