Mommy I'm so Sad

Last night Tyler said to me "Mommy I'm so sad" and it broke my heart. I put my arms arounds her and told her that I did not want her to be sad. It brought tears to my eyes. I had noticed that she had been sleeping a lot lately and eating constantly. Well I know that sleeping is a sign of depression and she's doing what I call "feeding my feelings". I told myself that I am still a parent her mother and that I am suppose to be able to do something to make things better. Tyler has always been the carefree one, the one who laughs alot, she's silly and loves to have fun. I admire that in her because I've always been so focused that I think I forget myself how to have fun. Although I must admit I had a ball last year in Hawaii. I feel so bad for Tyler because it's her senior year and my illness has put a damper on that. We looked her her track schedule tonight and it seems that I will miss two of her indoor track meets. Hopefully, I'll make the others. I hope she has an awesome season and that I'm there see it. I'm planning to be there to see as much as I possibly can. Mel told me to stop putting things off until I'm better because tomorrow is not promised to any of us. She told me live for the moment. It brough tears to my eyes but I plan to do just that. I can say that now while the neusea is at bay, but I do realize it is true. God has given me so much already, so I have nothing to fear. My famous words, "it is what it is!

My stomach is better today, the heightened sense of smell has decreased, I have few gray hairs growing long on my head but they continue to fall out of course. Chemo again next Monday. I changed the date from next Thursday to Monday so that I can get hydration. The IV fluids seem to help.

Chris took Ellen and I out for our birthdays today. She is a special angel. Thanks Chris. Stephanie called me and talked to me as if we grew up together. I look forward to getting to know her better. Mom I love you. Breyen spent the day with me today taking me to three different doctor appointments, she was very patient and it was very nice to spend some time with her We talked just a little about her getting herself together. Her friend Brittany is going away I hope, they've been good friends since the third grade but right now they are not good for each other. Maybe the time away will allow them to grow up. I shared with her how hurtful her actions have been, she stepped up today. She brought stables and toiletries for he house today. Prayer is a powerful thing. Thanking God and greatful to be here.

Holla Yall! Much Love