Adjusting

Well I'm still adjusting to this short hair. I like it okay, but the shock-a-zoo-loo's have been loosed! The short hair is so nappy and it's itchy. The hair is extremely dry and hard. It may be the chemo, I don't know. The hair just eats up anything I put on it to moisturize it. I'll adjust.

I started experiencing a new side effect today. My joints are very weak and achy. I called the doctor today to discuss it with him and it seems I may be experiencing a delayed side effect of the the shot given to me the day after chemo to help re-build white cells which help fight infection. So, I pushed forward and went on to the healthclub as the doctor's want me to work out even when I don't feel like it. I met Chris at the club and we worked out together with Alex. Alex is Chris' daughter, she abandoned us after about a half hour. I walked for about a half hour. I did some strecthing, out leg work, buttock work, a little back work and some squats. It was a light workout which is a big adjustment because I'm so used to working out hard. Even though it was a light workout I was exhausted when I got home. I ate when I got home and went directly to couch for a nap. After the nap I had planned to do some house cleaning. I didn't get past washing and folding clothes and cleaning the kitchen until I had to rest again. Yeap you guessed it another adjustment. Tyler did some cleaning today and promised to help me with the tree tomorrow. I plan to go back to the club tomorrow so hopefully I will have the energy.

I'm not working right now and let me tell God knows best. I have talked to a lot of women who work during chemo but I am wiped out. I guess God knew I would need the rest and nooo it's not me being lazy! However, I would like to get strong enough and get this process to under control so that I can work or at least have some energy between treatments. However, I have not lost site of the fact that things could be worst and are indeed worst for others. Rev. Love reminded me of that as he shared some insight to his experience with he encountered during his visit in africa. I had another reminder today as well as I watched Extreme Makeover and all the people they help along the way. And my cousin Frieda reminded me that things are bad but not as bad as they could be.

I cried with Louis today. I told him that although he is not my husband anymore, he is still the father of my children and that I needed his help finacially and with the girls. He gave me hug and told me he would help but just to hang in there until spring. I don't know what that means, he is so non-committal and afraid that I am trying to take advantage of him. The girls are distancing themselves from him a bit because they are disappointed that he hasn't stepped up to help us out more esp. because of the my illness and the fact that I'm not working, and unfortunately he has not stepped up to the plate to help out as much as he could. It's another adjustment for them and for me as I thought he would help us more esp. since he has never paid the judgement in the divorce decree. However, he does call to check on me and trys to keep up with Tyler and her efforts to find a college. I told him today we needed to sit down and figure out how we are going to handle college tuition, but I know that won't happen. Prayerfully God will take care of it.

I will try to work out again tomorrow. Maybe it won't take too much energy. I am going to have to manage my energy level better to make sure I get some things done. And maybe these darn joint aches will be gone. I praying that I can adjust enough to get back on my feet after the next treatment and be on my feet during my off week from chemo.

Adjusting slowly but surely!

Oh, just to let you all know, Ferlando's Dad died on Thursday which was also Ferlando's daughther's birthday as well. Funny, how the dates work out, my grandmother died two years ago on Tyler's Birthday, and the day LaVonte was born. Now Amina's grandfather (Ferlando's dad) died on her birthday. Ferlando is doing okay, focused on getting back to his life and making adjustments to get back on his fee!