Merry Christmas

Thank God. I felt pretty good for most of the day. I was able to eat, I didn't eat much but what I did eat settled on my stomach pretty well. Once again, I hurt my mother's feelings once again, it seems even with struggling with chemo brain I manage to do that. She brought me a plate of food with good intentions, with a little of everything on the plate. She told me to eat what I could. It was too much, the appearance of the food made my stomach queasy so I had her take it back and told my sister just to put a teaspoon of greenbeans on a plate with a single rib. I forgot how sensitive my mother could be and later she let me know by telling my that she can never do anything right. I know that she was trying to make sure I ate and that I would not have to go into the kitchen with the smells of the food and I appreciate it, I just reacted before I knew it because I did not want to be sick. Times like this are really hard for me and make me feel like I should not ask for help because I'm fearful of hurting people's feelings. Also, I know that Mom was disappointed with what she got for Christmas. Shawna gave Mom some type of candle set and Mom didn't like it and let Shawna know. Poor Shawna cried. Tyler gave Mom a cap that she didn't like but thought she would because Mom is always taking her hats off her head. I usually supervise gifts from the girls given to Mom, but this year....well you know. Chemo brain stops me from spending much energy on anything more than just what I absolultely have to think about. Mom and the girls don't understand this phenomenon, I guess you just have to live it. I absolutely loved everything I got for Christmas and had I gotten nothing I would have been just as happy and content. My gift was feeling good today and thanking God for it. Family was pretty good. We talked and ate. We didn't play any games this year and we had no music. I would have loved for things to be a bit more upbeat, it takes my mind off of you know what. All in all it was a good day. I hurt for my mother, I want to have some peace and happiness. I will keep praying. I told her I want her to relax and try to stop stressing because I have to go through this and although it has not been easy she can't change anything and I don't want anything to happen to her.

I talked to so many people today and everyone seemed to be having a good day. My hair was falling out a lot today and I started just pulling it out. So Mom took some scissors and starting cutting it. The hair was so dead and brittle that it sound like crunching on croutons as she cut it. Later this evening, Ferlando got his clippers and shaved my head. It actually felt good to get all of that dead hair off of my scalp. I look like a cone head without the cone. LOL! Everybody saids I look pretty cute bald, but I think they are just being kind. Either way it's done and I'm actually okay with it. I told my Sister, "now you have more hair than I do. " So I'll work on the wigs later I guess or maybe I'll just do the bald thing. I might have to let it warm up first....hair does keep your head warm.

Christopher Jameson stopped by to see me today. He was visitng on leave from the Airforce in Montanta. It was good to see him. He was Breyen's prom date and first love and still keeps in touch....Breyen's loss...LOL! Breyen and I always joke about that, he's a nice young man and I'm glad he stopped by on this speacial day!

I hope all had a very Merry Christmas. I thank God for Jesus...celebrating the day Christ was born. Blessings to all. Love You.

Night Night