Children

I am sure that this breast cancer journey is hard on Breyen and Tyler. Both girls are dealing with the journey differently. Breyen avoids the subject; she doesn't ask questions she just waits to hear information. Breyen is 19 and from what I hear from other parents she's in a another world and she'll be back in about 3 years. However, right now she is really stressing me out. She seems to think that I am responsible for schedule and that I should make myself available when her schedule calls for my assistance. I keep telling her that she is responsible for her own schedule. She let me know that she does not ask how I am doing because she doesn't hear me ask how she is doing. I didn't know the magnitude of her selfishness until today. If I ask her to clean she won't, if I ask her to pick up she won't, yet she expects that I will make myself available to take her to and from school and work. She really makes me feel like she doesn't care what I'm going through. Up until my conversation with her today, I had had no pain. Now my right breast has been hurting all day. I know I'm stressed. Bree really took me over the edge today. I know she has to deal with this the way she needs to, but I would appreciate not being the bulls eye. She thinks I do more for others specifically Tyler than I do for her. I told her it's time to grow up. This is reality and she isn't there yet. I know I still have to be the parent and understand her perspective but it was mighty painful today. But, I love her and as a parent I can do no more than that!

Tyler is doing okay I think. I see a little sadness every once in a while but for the most part she is going on with her senior activities. My guess is that she carries a little cloud over her head. She too like Breyen does not really help out around the house. Keeping the house clean is a sore spot for me with both of the girls, it seems I may win the breast cancer battle before I win this one. Ferlando told me to let it go, but it bothers me and keeps my stress level spiked at all times. Did I raise these young women? I did, and I raised them to be neat and clean but I guess when they hang out in that other world, those qualities are not needed.

I also have a lot of other issues that I'm dealing with so maybe I'm taking things out on them, but I don't think so. They need to do better. They're old enough, they have the values, but maybe like me they stressed as well.

I always pray for them but I will ask God to give them peace.