Eight Days to Go

Well I went to see the plastic surgeon today. When we arrived I was given a thirty page document to initial and sign regarding the breast reconstruction. Let me tell you after I read that document I wanted to put my head in the sand, wish this thing away and not come up for air until my wish was granted. OMG, it's so much. The document covered all of things that could go wrong, from death, to infection to pain, to scarring, you name it...it was just too much. I don't think I want to do this...I just want to ask the doctor how long I live with things the way they are and explore quality of life til the end. I know, I know that would be giving up but this is beyond overwhelming. I met the nurse who will be working closely with the doctor, Her name is Lauren and she is awefully nice. She told me now that I had read the document and signed consent....there's something to be said here for signing your life away. Buying a house has nothing on this. Anyway the nurse assured me that I was in good hands and that the doctor will take really good care of me. She explained that I will be in a lot of pain after surgery. She even wrote the prescription for pain and nausea medication today. She told me to get the prescriptioins filled now and give them to Mom to keep in her purse so that they will be readily available when I need them when leaving the hospital. I always thought I had a high tolerance to pain, but the way they make this sound, this pain may just beat labor pains! We talked about which pain meds will work best. Vicadin was prescribed. I hate vicadin, it makes me sleep and keeps feeling hung over even when I am awake. In this case I guess...just take away the pain.

Mom asked how do men usually handle this type of body change. The basically said they are wuss. I don't thing that's what Mom was asking but, but it really doesn't matter to me at this point. From that point Mom and Babysister asked for information on their own skin problems. The nurse was very nice and actually got the subject matter experts in to consult with them. In the mean time I met with the Dr. who I told I am really worried about this muscle movement. He told me that he has been doing this for about 15 years and have not had any compliants with problems related to the muscle movement. He told me he would insert a pain pump so I assume I may be out of it quite a bit in the hospital. The nurse told me that they would try to have me home by Sat. because they want me out of the hospital as quickly as possible becasue of infections and germs. However, they did stress that home should be extremely clean so make sure it's clean before going in for surgery. I shared this with Breyen and Tyler because they have a tendency not to pick up or clean as needed. Hopefully they will do better and not make a mess during the days I'm in the hosptal. When I get home, they want me to walk and sit up, I can even get out to walk. I was happy to hear them say that with Mom present cause I know would have me on lock down. Being still is going to drive me crazy even if it is painful to move about. I can only pray. On the way home, I stopped for a slice of cheese cake from the cheesecake factory. Post op I will have to go to the doctor every week. I told Mom and Babysister that would be my treat each week, but I have to be careful I'm already picking up weight and I do need to be able to get back into my clothes when I'm back on my feet.

I voted today just in case I'm not up to getting out and possibily standing in line to vote on the 4th. Nona and I voted in Matteson it only took about twenty minutes. Ferlando could not vote because he is registered in the city so he will have to vote in the city. I let my girls know that the house needs to be clean and they need to pitch in even when Grandma is here, I hope they don't disappoint me.

I saw Harriet today, I could see the sorrow in her eyes for me. I also spoke with Abigail at the healthclub. Both ladies were trying hard to be positive. Still I say I have wonderful friends. All will be well, I still belive that God will make it so even with having the face the pain of the healing process.