Still Waiting

Well, I did not get a call today from either the surgeon or the ob/gyn. One might think that's good news. I could have called today to find out the results of both procedures (breast MRI & DNC), but I didn't. I suppose I really didn't want to know. In a way, each day that I don't know is another day of "normal", just being me. I shared with a friend today, that I didn't know who I would be when this is all done. Sometimes I think I'll be the one titty lady, other times I think as long as I have this cancer that I'm the lady with the tainted titty. When I attended the group thearpy session at the American Cancer Society, after surgery and treatment, they refer to the "new normal".

I have three cousins with breast cancer. Each of them cope differently with it. One of them told me this past weekend to keep my chin up and don't let it get to me. Her attitude is that she is alive and life goes on. The other is older and quiet. And the other one speaks about it but when she does, you can see the pain behind her eyes. I wonder what they see when they see me and talk to me. Well I'm the youngest of three, not that that makes much of a difference except that I have younger children who are traveling the journey beside me. I wonder how did we get breast cancer, is it really a gene? Is it in the food? Is it in the water? Is it in the medicines we take? Who knows. It seems that breast cancer is becoming as common as the common cold. The treatment however is much more drastic.

I think of loosing a body part, a limb and think even that would be difficult. Loosing a breast is like loosing a part of your sexuality, do we become asexual. Ah, now there's a term. We have transexuals, homosexuals, heterosexuals and those born with both sexes. Now breast cancer could create a new breed...asexuals. Yeah I know that seems far fetched but I tell you it goes through your mind. I shared with a male friend that I had breast cancer and he like Tyler said just get rid of both of them, they serve no real purpose anyway. I liked his somewhat objective view and the thought that he would not see me any differently with breast or breast-less is okay with him. Is it okay with me? I wonder what it will be like after surgery. Well all in due time.

My friend Erica said to me today, that she thinks I've been handling this situation exceptionally well. I really don't know if she is right or not. I think I'm handling it for now because I have no choice and because I have not seen the physical difference yet. Also, I more of a realist so there is no running away from it. I haven't shed any tears lately, so in that aspect I guess I'm handling it well. I get very nervous at times when I think about my future or when I think about the next medical procedure. Somestimes I can't eat and other times I want to eat everything....:) I guess that's pretty normal, huh!

Well tomorrow is Wednesday and most doctor's offices are closed on Wed. So, I guess I'll call for the results tomorrow.

Still Waiting...