The Result

I got a call from the Dr. today, more specifically the surgeon. Once again, though he thought it might be different the result was the same. I will need to have a mastsectomy. Do I have my brain wrapped around this? I think so. I spoke with my nephew, Ferlando tonight and he was a little up set with me when he asked how I felt about the news today. He didn't like my answer. I told him that I was not surprised. It seems to be the way of my life for a while now. He felt that I was affirming the negative. I explained to him that I am just a realist and it's the realty. I was hopeful for a different result, but this result was not unexpected. I also told him, I just wanted to get it over with so that I could heal and get on with my life. That part of my answer made him happy.

I thought at one point that my life was finally settling down, after 20 years of a turbulent marriage, three years of divorce from a man in his own words said he did not want me to have "one red cent" and tried to make my life more difficult, to getting hit by a car, and pushed out of a job; struggling with my spoiled, selfish and immature daughter, I actually thought I was coming into some calm in my life. I was taking care of home, making play dates for myself and preparing for the single life as an empty nester. Well plans change. For now my plans are on hold but I plan to get back to the original plan.

I spent much of my day to day helping my friend Maria. Things didn't turn out the way she had hoped. She is really down in the dumps. She is a perfect example of "oh ye of little faith". I feel sorry for her because her faith is so weak. But I try to encourage her and let her know that if she would just turn things over to God, everything will be all right. I am okay with the mastsectomy because I believe that God will take care of everything. Ive learned that when the flesh is in control things don't go well, but when I give things over to God, things turn out so much better. We serve a good God! I know that I will have to go through the healing process but I believe I will come out of this thing okay.

When the doctor's office called to schedule the surgery, they told me the first available date was Nov. 24. That almost made me sick because I thought that would just delay me getting back to my plans, possibly put me in the hospital on Thanksgiving day and that in itself would cause anxiety for the family. I told them that was just too long to wait...this waiting thing needs to end so that I can heal and move on with my life...get back to my plans. Thank God they called back with a date of Oct. 29, 2008. I did not tell everyone right away. I needed time to let it all sink in. The doctor told me I could come in to ask questions or just call. I decided I would go see him again and this time Breyen saids she is going to go with me. We'll see.

Pray that there is no cancer in the nodes, that means no chemo, radiation, just a new set of boobs and I will be on my way. My days are long, my nights short, but all is well.

Holla!